How Do I Love Thee Let Me Count the Balloons
by JustBeAQueen
Summary: Sequel to Happy Homo Heaven. If you read that you'll remember the discussion Brian and Justin were supposed to have. Well this is that discussion and then a whole lot more *wink, wink... if you know what I mean*. Brian/Justin POV's. This is the 2nd story in this series.
1. Chapter 1

**Justin's POV**

**Britin – Friday – 6:00 p.m.**

"Hello?"

"Hey"

"Hey, I was wondering what was taking so long, but I know how busy you get."

"It's not easy running your own company, and convincing everyone you had plans and were not going to go out with them."

"If you want to go out with the boys for drinks or something on your last night of freedom, I don't mind."

"Well I mind, you twat, I'm not going anywhere except coming home to my fiancée … see I didn't even flinch at that word. Besides I'll be more free tomorrow evening than I've been my whole life."

"Brian… I don't care what anyone else says, you're sweet. And I love the word fiancée, but… sometimes I can't believe that not only soon will I be able to call you my husband, but that soon is tomorrow. And I can't wait for you to get home tonight."

"I know. I didn't want to go anywhere else, you said we have plans, and that's what I'm looking forward to. I must say I'm very curious as to what you have planned I haven't heard anything from anyone about tonight or tomorrow, except show up. And it seems there are a few planners involved in whatever you're doing this evening."

"What we're doing this evening… and I did have a little help… you'll see. It's… I hope you like it, and understand why I'm doing this, especially before tomorrow. It's just that, well, please keep an open mind and know that I love you so much."

"Okay, Sunshine, now you're scaring me. It's just us, right? And I'd be happy if the plans we're you, me and our bed. And… I love you too."

*Sigh*

"No reason to be scared, just, like I said open mind and if we get through tonight then tomorrow will truly be the first day of the rest of our lives."

"Such a sentimental little twat I have, I didn't know you felt so strongly about my cock."

"Brian! First, I know you don't mind that I'm sentimental. Second, tonight is going to be different and please, please, PLEASE keep an open mind. Third, I think you know exactly how I feel about your cock, especially how it relates to my ass and mouth and hands."

"Too true Sunshine, too true. I feel the same way about your cock, and it's relation to my mouth… and hands… and ass."

*Gasp*

"No fair… I have plans tonight and I'm … not going to be delayed … because we can both wait to fuck till later."

"Are you sure? Because now that I think about it it's been far too long since I rode your surprisingly thick… long… cock… All. Night. Long."

"Brian" breathing heavily "Just come home, and I'm going to hang up before you distract me."

"Oh I plan on coming… again and again…"

*Click*

I hate it when he does that, now I have to go jerk off before he gets here. There's no way I'm going to be able to get through this evening with a Brian induced hard on. Course it doesn't take much to get one of those, but I do have self control usually. Unless it involves him saying things like that in person or over the phone then I have absolutely no control.

I wouldn't mind going all the way to bedroom and lay down in our bed so I can smell him while jerking off, but I don't want to mess anything up in there, and the bathroom, well, who needs the bathroom when you own the whole house and no own else is here. Oh, perfect, Brian's study.

I sit in his chair and just inhale, deeply. God, this room smells just like him. Cigarette smoke, cologne, his clothes, his gum, and that smell that's just Brian. Even right after his shower with his ridiculously expensive soap, he still smells like Brian. Of course the best musky smell in the world is his cock and ass. God, I can't wait for him to get home, not just for later, but because of what I have planned. I hope he understands and doesn't run screaming away from me, or, rather like Brian Kinney, shut down and demand to fuck.

Hopefully he's changed enough to be open to this. Well, given the fact our wedding is tomorrow (I still can't believe that) I know he's changed enough. And I have to do this tonight for us, before our lives become one. Everything's ready and I hope the evening goes as I have planned. I know something will probably go wrong, I mean this is Brian we're talking about, and no matter how much he's changed, he's still not fond of emotions, feelings or walking down memory lane, especially painful memories. I just hope I can get across what I need to get across before he shuts down. This won't be easy on either of us, but I've never been more sure of anything in my life, well, except for Brian and my love for him, but that's directly connected to what I'm planning this evening.

The phone rings… I know who it is (I checked caller ID this time), and I don't really want to answer, but…

"Hey"

"You hung up on me Sunshine."

"You were interrupting my plans for this evening and I can't be all hot and bothered for tonight."

"You're always hot, but I can take care of the bothered on my way home."

He's such a pain in the ass, but oh so sexy when he talks in that low sex god predator growling voice he has. It makes me want to run away, as good little prey does, or jump on him and ride him for all he's worth. Oh God.

"Brian" I know I sound breathless, I don't care, I need this man so fucking much it hurts sometimes.

"Yes, Sunshine? I know you have plans, but maybe right now you need to take care of a little problem."

"Not so little."

"No not little at all, last time my ass checked. It felt so good in me. I know I'm a top, but my bossy bottom can top me any fucking time he wants"

"Brian… Fuck" I can't help it, I unzip my pants, pull out my dick and start stroking.

"Whatcha doin' Sunshine?"

"You know… what I'm… doing." Slow down "I'm sitting in your study, it smells like you and I can remember when we christened this room and your chair, that was fucking hot." I can hear him unzip is own pants, and he sounds a little more breathless when he starts talking again.

"I was working on the computer and you came in completely nude. You naughty boy."

"You were so engrossed in work I had to get your attention somehow. You'd been tense all week and needed a break."

"So you pulled my chair back and crawled in my lap."

"I got your attention, didn't I? Your lips are so soft and kissable, and you taste so good. I couldn't help but attack your mouth." Never thought I could do phone sex before Brian, now I don't know how I ever got along without it. It's not as good as sex with Brian, but a hand job with Brian's voice in my ear, close enough for right now.

"And attack it you did... with your soft lips... dominating tongue...rubbing your hard-on... against mine..."

"Brian...Wait... please tell me you're not still driving."

"No, I pulled over right before I called… I love your lips too, I love to kiss them, I love to taste them, I love to fuck them, I love when they're sucking me, I love when they're rimming me."

"Brian, Oh god… love my lips… on you… love rimming you… sucking you… tasting you."

"Justin… Fuck…. Gonna fuck you… so hard… later… then… gonna ride you, Justin."

"BRIAN… I'm … gonna come."

"Come for me Sunshine. Come… with… me."

"AAAHHHH!"

"UUUHHHH!"

"God I love you… thanks, I needed that."

"Anytime… Sunshine. I love you too. You more relaxed now?"

"Yeah, I'm all melty… feels good. I can't wait for you to get home, but I'm much more relaxed."

"Good, I'll see you soon."

"Later"

"Later"

Dammit, should have brought a towel in with me. Oh well, good thing I haven't finished dressing for when Brian get's home. I'll just use my t-shirt and go upstairs and change. I want to be waiting in our formal dining room when Brian gets home. Fortunately planning and setting up this evening was a piece of cake, since we haven't decorated or furnished that room, yet. I'm thinking maybe once this evening and tomorrow and our honeymoon is done, I might have to talk to Brian about turning it into a dance studio/room. Kind of our own mini Babylon/back room.

I couldn't see ever using a formal dining room, like our friends and family need that. The last couple times we've had everyone over we end up sitting out back or in the living room and kitchen, occasionally the dining room, which is attached to the kitchen and big enough for our needs.

I'm so glad I was able to call in help for the evening (and tomorrow). Daphne and Emmett we're huge helps. If all goes the way I planned I'm going to have to give them something special for all their hard work. I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be, I'm still fucking nervous, but Brian certainly helped ease my mind with that impromptu phone sex. I still can't believe it sometimes that our life has worked the way it has. I told Brian when I first came home for New York that we still had some things to talk about, but I didn't tell him when we would talk. I know he doesn't have a clue what I'm doing tonight, or what our ceremony tomorrow will include.

I think he's nervous about tomorrow, but only because he knows me and he knows I'm working with Emmett. Neither one of us are nervous about actually getting married. We have both wanted this for almost 2 years. Well, I've wanted it longer, I think, but neither of us we're ready then. We are more than ready now. And regardless of how nervous he is, he gave me free reign to do whatever I want to do, because he trusts me. And I implicitly trust him, too. I have to, I let him plan our honeymoon, and I know he has a surprise for me, too. We've asked that no one give us gifts, just make sure they're there.

I love how Brian worded it when we sent the announcements (again) and then talked to them in person. He said that there was nothing we needed or wanted that he couldn't buy himself, and he would probably end up returning everything anyway; he just wants a ceremony to show everyone that I'm the one he loves and who he wants to spend to rest of his life with. For someone who doesn't do romance, he certainly speaks it very well. Well, there was that one time, but, I'm getting ahead of myself, you'll find out my plans soon enough… because, I can hear his car pulling in the garage. Garage… I love this house. House, more like palace ("_It's for my prince_"). Have I mentioned how much I love Brian Kinney, and how fucking thrilled I am that tomorrow, in front of all our friends and family, I get to say that Brian fucking Kinney is mine and I belong to only Brian Kinney. Un-fucking-believable.


	2. Chapter 2

**Brian's POV**

I must admit hand jobs aren't nearly as satisfying as sex, but this is Justin we're talking about and phone sex with him is better than any sex with anyone else. And a mutual hand job with my Sunshine's voice in my ear is even better. Course nothing compares to actual sex with him.

Sometimes I can't believe how lesbianic I can get thinking about everything between Justin and me. I didn't know what real love was, nor did I think it existed, nor did I want to give or receive what I thought love was, till I met Justin. Well it took me a little longer after I first met him to figure it all out. But boy am I glad I did. I can't believe how much he changed my life, my views, and my beliefs on… everything. Gus had something to do with that, but I have to think that without Justin, I would never have realized how much love I was actually capable of feeling and showing.

And we're getting married tomorrow. A year ago I wouldn't have believed that. Justin was still in New York and I was stuck in the Pitts without him and without Gus. Not only do I get to see Gus tomorrow, but I get to announce in front of all our friends and family what Justin means to me and how much I love him. I let Justin plan the whole thing. Am I nervous? Yes and no. Yes because Justin is working with Emmett. No because Justin and I will finally be able to start our life together officially as a couple, and no one will be able to pull us away from each other ever again. I really don't care what he plans for tomorrow, he hasn't told me anything, and I don't want to know. I got to plan our honeymoon, and I can't wait to see his face when he sees those plane tickets.

He's also planning something tonight, but I have no idea what he's up to. I'd be happy with me, him and our bed. That may sound boring and domestic, but believe you me, when it's Justin and I, anywhere can become hot and sexy in no time; now include a bed, a 4-post bed, with all the toys we have, it's so far from boring and typical that I'm sure it would be too hot for some porn videos. Anyway, I don't know what he's planning tonight, but he was very secretive (he did a great job hiding everything) and I haven't been able to get anything out of anyone. Although apparently he's working with Daphne for tonight, whatever that means.

I would be an idiot if I wasn't suspicious. So when Justin says keep an open mind and don't get upset, I have a feeling that tonight will be big. Not only do I know my Sunshine, but I know how is mind works and with tomorrow being our wedding I know tonight will be very memorable.

The first thing I notice when I pull into the garage is an envelope on the door. Interesting. I open it and inside there's a note and a blindfold… kinky, I like where he's going so far.

_B_

_Leave your briefcase here, or just inside (probably inside, knowing how protective you are of that thing). _

_Put the blindfold on._

_If you have your jacket and aren't wearing it, put it on._

_Remember – open minded and PLEASE trust me._

_I love you. See you soon._

_J_

Okay… of course I'm protective of my briefcase, it's Prada, leather, and fucking expensive, and gorgeous, need I say more? Anyhow, I must say my curiosity is certainly peaked, so I put my jacket on followed by the blindfold, and go inside.

"Honey, I'm home."

"Hey, I see you found my note and did as I asked."

"Did I really have a choice? Besides my curiosity got the best of me. And of course I trust you, but I am anxious to see what you have in mind for this evening festivities."

I hear him walking closer until I can feel his breath on me and I can smell him. He smells fucking fantastic. I'm about to reach for him when he grabs both my hands, kisses me ever so lightly (he tastes so good), then practically whispers in my ear, "Follow me… please."

I know I'm grinning like an idiot and I swear I can hear his smile as he talks. God, I love this man. I can barely contain myself in following him, holding hands, letting him lead. I would have never called myself giddy, nor would I associate that word with me under normal circumstances, but this is Justin, so I can be giddy. I think he's leading me to the formal dining room, although I have no idea why, it's an empty room at the moment, but I can hear music coming from in there. Hey, our own private Babylon/back room, that would be cool. Maybe that's his surprise.

"Sunshine, did you create our own private dance club?"

"Something like that, but not quite. Wait here, don't peak, and I'll be right back."

I hear the doors slide open and the music is a bit louder now. I don't know it, it sounds like any generic pop rock. I wonder if it's a choice or just the radio that's on. Seems an odd choice, either way you look at it, this is Justin, he always plans every detail. Then I feel his hand take mine again.

"Follow me." He says again. So in control and so shy at the same time, and a little nervous, and sad? It's endearing, adorable and hot all at once.

We walk to what seems to be the center of the room. We just stand there for a few seconds, as he backs away a bit. The song changes into some fake Latin type number with a disco style to it. Sounds familiar, like something you'd hear at Babylon, and… somewhere else… can't place it, though.

He stands behind me and removes the blindfold.

Oh. My. God. Should I run, cry, hug, scream, FUCK! The memories, the voices, the images, that night, all come rushing to mind, and I'm literally frozen in place. My head aches, my heart aches, I'm shocked, hurt, and fucking confused. Why, why would he do this, _HOW_ the fuck did he do this?

I see the arch of balloons near the door, and DJ set up on the other side of the room. There's a few tables covered in white with fancy chairs and balloons here and there throughout the room. Then Justin comes to stand in front of me. If I was speechless before, I think I've lost the ability to think or speak. Justin stands there in a black tux, perfectly styled hair, a white… silk… scarf… where the fuck is all the air I need to breath? Even his bow tie is the same color as that night. His eyes are slightly red and damp, but his smile… that smile… my smile… the same fucking smile he had when I showed up that night.

He looks so fucking happy. Now I know why he needed Daphne's help, but why go to this much trouble to relive such a painful moment when he can't remember… Unless…

"Justin… how… where… why…?"

His smile gets a little softer, but his eyes haven't looked that bright and free in a long time. Just like when he returned to me from New York.

I reach up to brush his tears away, and I want to tell him we can't do this, he shouldn't have to do this, I don't need this. He reaches up to brush my tears away at the same time. I didn't realize there were tears there. I was frozen. Then he thaws my heart, my head, my body, my soul with two of the most beautiful words I think I've ever heard him say.

"I remember."

What? "What?"

"Dance with me?"

He takes the scarf and places it around my neck. Then holds up his hands in the same position for the same dance the last time we danced like this… God, can it be close to 6 years ago? I take his right hand in my left and my right hand on his waist, then silence… then…

_You can dance every dance with the guy who gives you the eye, let him hold you tight_

_You can smile every smile for the man who held your hand 'neath the pale moonlight_

_But don't forget who's taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be_

_So darlin', save the last dance for me, mmmm_

He looks as beautiful as he was that night… no, he looks even more beautiful than he did that night. He took my breath away then and he has taken my breath away tonight.

_Oh, I know that the music's fine like sparkling wine go and have your fun_

_Laugh and sing but while we're apart don't give your heart to anyone_

_But don't forget who's taking you home and in whose arms you're gonna be_

_So darlin', save the last dance for me, mmmm_

God, we're moving just like we did that night. He twirls so gracefully, so sexy, so fucking beautiful, I can't think of a better word for how he looks, how we must look together, how I know we looked that night, and now he knows how we looked that night. We're both grinning like idiots and we both have tears running down our faces, it must look terrible, but even crying he's beautiful.

_Baby don't you know I love you so_

_Can't you feel it when we touch_

_I will never never let you go_

_I love you oh so much_

He comes closer and opens my jacket while moving around behind me (now I know why he wanted me to wear it), he slides my jacket off slowly and seductively, so I stop and throw my head back like I did then. He laughs, the most glorious sound in all the world. The sounds he makes in bed are the best noises ever, but when he laughs, it lights up the whole fucking room. He tosses the jacket to the side, just like then.

_You can dance go and carry on till the night is gone and it's time to go_

_If he asks if you're all alone can he take you home you must tell him no_

_'Cause don't forget who's taking you home and in whose arm's you're gonna be_

_So darlin save the last dance for me_

I take the scarf and place it around his neck and twirl him around, several times, just like I did then. I don't know how we did it then, and I still don't know how we're doing it now, but we move together like we've been dancing together for years. Like we know each other's bodies better than we know our own. And I know that now, we do, we didn't then… oh, who am I kidding, we knew then… we've always known each other, always been able to read each other. Dancing with him in Babylon is the hottest thing we do… in public. Dancing with him like this, twirling and spinning him, I can't compare to anything I've ever done in my life. Then I dip him, and we're both laughing, deep belly laughs that we can feel in our hearts, our bodies, our souls.

_'Cause don't forget who's taking you home and in whose arm's your gonna be_

_So darlin save the last dance for me, mmmm_

I pick him up, hold him by the waist and spin him, just like that night. And then I lean in, look in his eyes, and kiss him. I make him see and feel everything I did then, and everything I feel now, but it's even greater now than it was then. My love for him, our love for each other, even bigger, more powerful, deeper than it was then.

_Save the last dance for me, mmmm_

_Save the last dance for me_

The song ends and silence fell on our little slice of happiness, of heaven on earth, this dreamlike state we're in, here in each other's arms, knowing we're both absolutely safe and that… tonight… can only end great, here, with each other, eventually in bed, and it won't end like it did then. Thank God, or whoever the fuck you can thank for this. I break our kiss even though I really don't want to, not only do we need to breath, although with kissing Justin, I wish that wasn't necessary and our lips can stay joined, but I need to say this.

"God, I love you so much, Justin, and… I'm sorry I didn't say it then. I felt it and I should have said it. Don't know what difference it would have made, you know, given, well, you know, but I should have, and I know that…"

"Brian… it might not have made a difference then, but none of that matters. What matters is that you showed me that night how much you loved me, just like you've showed me every day since then. Everything you've done for me; you didn't just save me that night, and yes you saved me that night, want the x-rays to prove it?"

"Twat"

We chuckle.

"You've saved me countless times since then. Now, how about we go sit, have a drink and I explain why I did all this."

I nod, cause it's hard to speak, I still can't believe he remembers. I mean, obviously I do, we wouldn't have been able to do that just now, repeat what we did that night so perfectly, and then some, without him remembering. And right before our wedding… such a clever devil. So we sit, and he pours us both a glass of JB, from the bottle on the table, along with water.

"I think we can safely say we've saved each other a number of times over the years and tomorrow we'll be saving each other for each other in front of everyone. But before that, before we get married, I needed to share this with you. You've always had prom, but it was always painful and sad. Now I remember it, too, so we can both share it, the pain and the joy. We've recovered from all the pain and sorrow and it's time to move on, past that hurt and remember the love we shared in that dance. A dance that showed everyone what we meant to each other, without a care in the world, just like we'll be doing tomorrow.

It's hard to put anything behind us when only one of us remembered the whole night. I hated being able to only remember the pain, and only part of it at that. I knew what it meant to have you come to my prom and how much it made me happy, at least I thought I knew. I lost how to read you after that, how to understand you and I lost myself, too, and how we fit together. So I thought I understood what it meant for you to come that night, but I didn't, not even close. We've been through so much and I have always wanted to remember prom, to see what I should have seen, to know what I should have known, what everyone else seem to know, except me.

I'm sure you're wondering how I remembered, and I'll tell you, in a minute. I have tried so many times to tell you that I remembered, but nothing ever seemed right. Somehow it seemed I had to tell you before tomorrow, but I still just couldn't come out and say I remember prom and continue with life. That wouldn't have worked for either of us. When you said I could completely plan our wedding and any celebration before and after I had in mind, I knew I had to do this. You know I worked with Daph on this. She was almost as shocked as both of us were that I remembered, but it was kind of her idea to show you that I remembered, not just tell you. I knew I had to do this. Finish and close this last bit of the past before our future begins."

"How profound, prophetic and positively sentimental of you. But I couldn't agree more. You're right about… prom. It was always hard to think about that night. I think you know by now what I went through. I know it's nothing compared to what you went through, but I realized that when you finally came to live with me that you had lost something. A piece of yourself, your joy of life, I knew you couldn't understand me. I mean prom, for me, was to show you what you meant to me. I was ready to try and do the right thing. I had always done whatever I felt like without thinking about anyone else. I was angry that you were so young and I was so, well, not young, you were going to your high school prom, and I was so far passed that time of my life. You were happy and wanted me there with you. I figured you were some love sick puppy always following me around, not knowing what you really wanted, but going for what you thought you needed.

I don't think I ever told you what made me go to your prom. Although after, when you couldn't remember my being there, or why I would have come, it didn't seem important, but there was a very specific reason I had to come.

You know my fucked up family life, and why I spent so much time at Deb's and with Mikey?"

"Yeah, you've told me some things, I've heard and seen enough through others and through those said family members I've had contact with enough to figure out. No child should have to suffer through that. We both had shitty fathers, but at least my mother supports me, well, most of the time. You are a good father you know. Gus loves you and you love him, and you both respect each other. And he's in a loving home, albeit a ways away, but still, he'll grow up being well loved, cared for, and we'll all accept him no matter what his life choices may be."

"At the time I didn't think being a father was something I wanted, I sure didn't expect to want to be a part of his life, but now I can't picture life without him, or without you. And thanks for believing in me, I've never had that before you or Gus. Linds and Mikey, well they were friends, but always with strings attached. At least I felt there were strings attached and they dragged me down as much as they built me up. You, though, always showed me who I was capable of being, and Gus, he doesn't care who I am or what I do as long as I'm there."

"You had Linds and Mikey, and Deb, when you needed them, for the bad and the good times. But we've talked about them before and I want to get past our prom discussion so we can go to bed and be ready for tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow and I think we're not even close to finishing the point of this evening."

"Too true, Sunshine, too true. I'd like to go to bed as well, something tells me you have more planned for this evening?"

"How perceptive of you Mr. Kinney."

"So where were we Mr. Taylor?"

"You were telling me about your family and what made you come to my prom."

"Oh, yah."

"Brian… you okay?"

"It's not a pretty tale Sunshine. I'm okay, at least I am now; I wasn't at the time. Mikey did help me then, too. I was pissed with him when he was there, but… I don't think I've ever thanked him for saving me that night."

"Saving you? From what, Brian what happened?"

"I loved being the Stud of Liberty Avenue, say anything, do anything, fuck anyone, no regrets, no apologies, no excuses. I wanted to die young and beautiful in a blaze of glory like James Dean. Linds wanted a kid and convinced me one night when I was too fucking drugged and drunk to deny her anything. So I made a donation. I was bored that night Gus was born, 29 years old, successful ad exec and fucking bored with the world. Nothing mattered and I didn't care about anything or anyone. Gus wasn't real that night, nothing was real, even Babylon had totally lost my interest. That's when I saw you, something felt different when I looked at you; I wanted to run screaming from whatever foreign emotion I felt that night. Looking at you, my body decided for me, the morons in the club suddenly seemed pointless and meaningless, but you, you were beautiful and I had to have you. I could tell you were a virgin with no experience, so I could do anything I wanted to you and I knew you'd accept it. Then the way you reacted to every touch, every kiss, every breath, I don't remember being that responsive and turned on my first time. But you responded to everything so easily and so wantonly.

Deep breath, Sunshine… we're not going anywhere yet."

"I know, whew, just… after knowing you for as long as I have, I knew the affect I had on you, but I didn't know… continue with your story."

"Then Gus was born, my own little ticking clock, a countdown to my life. My life, even the parts I hadn't yet lived flashed before my eyes. I wanted my life to be over. All the hurt, pain, and suffering I had ever endured, I didn't want to pass that on to Gus or to anyone else. I didn't want to damage him or you by getting close to me and seeing the darkness within me. But then I'd hold him or touch you and everything would feel new again and I could forget for a little the heartache and misery that life could be. We seemed to be getting closer that year, and then I got that job offer in New York. I thought for sure that's where I wanted to be, that was the sign I was waiting for, the opportunity of a life time that I needed. You had already showed me with your King of Babylon contest that you didn't need me, and I thought you'd be fine on your own without me, you'd realize that you could do so much better."

"You know the only reason I was in that contest was to get you to notice me. I know I followed you around everywhere, and I knew you got tired of it, but I also knew you could never refuse me, so I followed you because I knew when you got tired of chasing and looking, you'd come to me. That night something happened and you completely separated yourself from me. It was immature, I admit, but I didn't like it. So I got noticed and I got even. I knew you watched me when I took that guy in the back room. And I lied the next morning. I didn't fuck him all night, just at Babylon. He was good, but, I'd already had the best… no one else ever compared to that."

"Now you tell me? All this time I thought you had actually fucked him all night. Guess I was a little too engrossed in my own little pity party that I wasn't paying attention to anything important. And I don't even remember why I got pissed that night. I do remember watching you top that guy, and I couldn't admit it then, but I couldn't get over how hot you looked and, well, I suppose I can admit this now, but I went home alone that night and imagined that it was me, not him."

"Why does everything we do seem to come back to sex, if we keep doing this I'm going to have to fuck you before we can continue talking."

"As much as that idea is a more than acceptable alternative to talking, I'll have to take a rain check on that."

"Promise?"

"Promise… tonight."

There's that fucking gorgeous smile that lights up the whole damn room.

"Okay, back to where I was going. I wanted New York, at least at the time I thought I wanted New York. Then I didn't get it, and then there was my birthday, which I had always planned to be dead by, and a big, fat, fucking success. Then there was my teenage lover who wanted me in a room full of fucking 18 year olds, reminding me of how old I really was. I wasn't the success I wanted to be, I didn't get to go to New York, I wasn't dead, and my one reason at the time for being a club boy, Mikey, was leaving. Not only was he leaving, but he was leaving to be with someone who I knew wasn't good for him. And I say Mikey was my reason for clubbing because that's how he saw me, and accepted me and loved me, and at the time I didn't know there was anything different, any better way to show love and acceptance.

Anyway, that night before your prom, the reason I wasn't at Mikey's going away party, I was at the loft, doing something with that scarf, that now, I was a fucking idiot for doing it, and if Mikey hadn't have come in when he did, I don't know what would have happened. Ever heard of scarfing?"

"Yes, I've heard of it… it's supposed to be the ultimate orgasm, provided you don't die from asphyxiation. I couldn't see ever trying, and certainly wouldn't want to do it in front of anyone, but it wouldn't be safe to try it on your own. Too many deaths have occurred by people who experiment with different sexual devices. They do it on their own and have no one there to help them when something goes wrong or if they don't wake up or stay conscious."

…..

"Oh my god, Brian… that's what you did that night? And you were alone, that could have killed you. When did Mikey get… holy shit… did he see… I mean…"

"Yes, Mikey got there when I was about to climax, so to speak. He got me down right before. I yelled at him, told him how dare he interrupt me. If he hadn't have gotten there when he did, I probably would have died. When I started I didn't do it to die, I did it for the ultimate rush, but the more I thought about it the more I thought would it be so bad if I died? You'd be able to get on with your life and find someone less screwed up and more age appropriate. Mikey could go have gone and not worried about leaving someone behind. Gus would never have a fucked up father."

At this point Justin looks too stunned to say anything, but he gets up from his chair, walks to right in front of me, kneels before me and wraps me in his warm loving safe arms. I think I can breathe a little easier again. This is safe, this is home, this is love. He's crying and so am I, so we just hold each other tighter. Then he whispers,

"You don't feel like that anymore, do you?"

"Our wedding is tomorrow, you and Gus are the most important people in my life, and Mikey is married and happy, so what do you think?"

He pulls his face back to look in my eyes, but doesn't release his grip.

"That's what I thought, I just had to make sure. I can't believe that's what you went through, what could have happened. I love you so much. I know at the time everyone thought I was too young to understand what love is and what I wanted. But I knew. I wanted you, it didn't matter that I was only 18, I had never wanted anything more in my life at that point, and I still don't want anything more in my life than you. In fact my feelings at the time I had for you then, and what I felt after, with or without the memories of prom. Everything we've been through, and now that I remember what we looked like and what we felt. I don't know if I could have lived knowing you weren't in the world. Like when you got cancer and didn't tell me. We dealt with it at the time the best way we knew how, and I knew you would have hated to have me fawn and hang all over you spouting how much I loved you and how I would do anything for you to make sure you were okay. But I wanted nothing more than to do just that and say just that."

"You know, I knew you well enough at the time to know that that's what you wanted to do and I thank you for not, I couldn't have handled it then. God forbid it ever happens again, but if it does, please feel free to hang and fawn all over me, I don't mind anymore. And the reason I came to your prom was what Mikey said when he saved me, kind of."

"What could Mikey possibly say to convince you to come to my prom, he hated me."

"He didn't hate you, per se, he hated that he thought you were making me change. Of course, I never do anything I don't want to do, he just took a few years to realize that. But he did say, and I'll never forget it, because he used it to get me to reopen Babylon too. 'I'll always be young, I'll always be beautiful, I'm Brian Kinney for fucks sake.'"

I love his laugh. He goes to sit back in his own seat, but keeps my hand in his hand.

"He said that? He did know you well, didn't he. So how did that inspire you to come to my prom?"

"I don't do anything I don't want to do, or that I don't mean. If I was young and beautiful and I was changing because I wanted to, and Mikey wasn't here to see me change, then what was stopping me from being with the young and beautiful 18 year olds? What was stopping me from changing to become what I wanted to be, with you? Then I realized that you'd probably be in a tux, and I knew you'd be gorgeous and I had to see you. I wanted to change, and I finally had a reason to change."

"Oh Brian. I think I've said this already, but I love you so much. I know that night didn't end the way we wanted it to, and I know that we might have been closer sooner if that hadn't happened. But in a way, I'm glad it did. I learned to get to know you better and understand you in a way that I honestly don't think I could have at 18. It made both of us grow apart, make huge mistakes and learn from those mistakes and I think we're closer now because of that than if that night hadn't happened the way it did. I thought I had gotten over that night years ago, but then I got the memory back and I realized that the only way to put it behind us is to truly talk about it. It was so hard for you to talk about it, and painful because of its ending, and because I didn't remember any of the happy parts of that night. I'm so glad I remembered and reliving it, with you, in our house, without any possibility of that night truly repeating itself. I think we can start tomorrow completely new and uninhibited."

"Ever the romantic."

"Isn't that my line?"

"True, but I had to say it… speaking of remembering prom, now that I've told you my little tale of woe, how about you tell me what jogged this memory back into your pretty little blond head that I love so much?"

"It's time isn't it, so we can finish this portion of our evening and continue upstairs shortly. But you have to promise to continue keeping an open mind and not get upset."

"I like the continue upstairs idea, and I'll be happy to keep an open mind, but why would you getting your memory back have to do with my not getting upset? Keeping secrets from me Sunshine."

I know I don't use the word cute, and a few years ago I would ripped a new one in anyone who associated the word cute with me, but Gus and Justin are exceptions to that. And when Justin blushes he's fucking cute.

"Okay, here goes, but it's a bit of a long tale. Because it didn't happen all at once, it came in pieces. Some before New York, some during New York. And please understand the only reason I didn't share the memories before I left for New York was because I knew you didn't like talking about it, so if I got flashes I kept them to myself in hopes that eventually I would remember everything and be able to talk about the whole evening. Not to mention they kind of freaked me out since I'd get a glimpse, but not the whole picture. You know how I remembered the first bit, or actually the last bit."

"Yes, I remember that. I'll say it again I was so scared, it was like it happened all over again."

"I know, and I'm sorry I put you through that, but thank you so much for being there. To think what I might have gone through seeing someone else do what Gus did, away from you. I don't know what would have happened."

"No need to thank me Sunshine. You know now how important you are to me. And I'm sorry I couldn't tell you then."

"You have no reason to apologize."

"Then neither do you."

"Okay. Well, anyway, my next memory kind of hit, sorry, bad choice of wording, came to me a bit differently. So much happened that night, and the following few weeks before I finally woke up that I had completely forgotten about any pictures that might have resulted from that night. I didn't attend my graduation ceremony, even though I graduated, and I didn't even bother looking through the yearbook, I never wanted to be reminded of anything there. One night when I was living at Daphne's we were looking through some old picture books and memory boxes that Daph had. Come to think of it we were pretty drunk, too, that's probably why we thought it was a good idea to share memories of high school."

"And why were you getting so drunk with Daphne?"

"Ummm… she had just broken up with her boyfriend and well, I had just broken up with you know who, so…"

"He who must not be named?"

"You've been reading Harry Potter again haven't you."

"I admit nothing, but if I were I totally would have ended Order of the Phoenix differently. There was no reason for Sirius dying, I mean"

"Brian"

"Sorry, you were saying?"

"So we were both broken hearted and had no hope for what was to come next and got really fucking drunk. So she pulled out a box of stuff from high school, since she was feeling sentimental for previous boyfriends that didn't dump her. And she still has this annoying habit of anytime she's really drunk of recalling with perfect clarity the one night we spent together."

"I've always said you were a hot fuck, who knew that women would agree with me?"

"_Anyway_! So pictures… it totally threw me for a loop, but there it was, along with tons of other pictures of people I didn't remember, some I remembered all too well, there was our prom picture. I immediately was hit with Daph and I posing for that pic. You know the one where everyone lines up and gets their couple shot along with everyone else before you actually eat or dance. I remember standing there posing thinking that if I couldn't be with you then I was at least there with my best friend. I think Daph and I have the same type of relationship that you and Linds have. If it weren't for being gay, they would be our better half."

"Thank God I'm gay." Was the echoed statement made by both men followed by a brief fit of hysterics. Brian and Lindsay, Justin and Daphne… great as friends, but yeah, thank god they're gay!

"So you remembered being at your prom, was that it for that memory?"

"At that time yeah, it was weird getting that flash. I remember what we were talking about at the time, but I didn't remember being in line or walking away after the flash.

The next memory, or memories, happened shortly after the bomb."

Both men shudder at this remembering the tragic events of that night, and how close Brian came to losing the most important person in his life, without telling him those three words which he should have uttered a few years before, before that damn bat.

"How… *ahem* does the bomb tie into remembering prom?"

"Well, we were all in the hospital, and before you got there that next morning I was walking around. I never forgotten being in the hospital that first time, I was just walking not really paying attention to where I was going, thinking about, well what you had said the night before and trying to figure out what it all meant. I ran into the night nurse that was on duty while I was there. She remembered me, and remembered my boyfriend. At least, that's what she called you. Although I didn't bother correcting her because she was concerned about me and how we were getting along after everything we went through and how hard it must have been to watch me every night." Emphasis on every night.

Okay, so I should respond, obviously he knows I was there every night, I guess asking how would be ridiculous, but how do I explain why I never told him.

"Ummm… I didn't… I mean I…"

"Brian, you don't have to explain. Like I said, I understand you know, better than I did before prom. I completely get why you never said anything to anyone, although as I understand it now, my mom knew. I was definitely angry at her for a while, but I'll explain that in a bit. You don't need to apologize for watching me and never telling me you were there. I didn't get it when I found out, but I get it now."

"Is that part of the reason why you doubted my sincerity about the first time I told you I loved you and proposed? I always wondered why the seemingly sudden change."

"That was part of it, the other part, well you know, we've talked about that before, the whole changing thing we were both going through."

"Yeah, we have, and even though I can't believe I'm saying this, I'm glad we're talking about this now."

"So, when I was talking to this nurse and she was telling me about you visiting I remembered seeing you outside my room once or twice. By the time I fully woke up you were gone and I thought it was my imagination. I remembered the look on your face, so sad, so devastated, so terrified. Then another flash, you, in the ambulance."

"What did you just say?"

"In the ambulance. I think I woke up for a brief period of time, just long enough to open my eyes. I could feel something in my hand, and I felt cold and wet and in so much pain. And I think I heard you say my name but thought I was having a nightmare. I fought to open my eyes and saw you staring at our hands holding each other right before I passed out again."

"Yeah… they… were getting ready to hook… you up to o… oxygen, I didn't know you had opened your eyes. Had I known I was getting through at all I would stayed looking at your face. I did call your name. I can't believe you heard me."

"I knew then that no matter what happened next I had to fight to see you happy again. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew that you were sad because of something wrong with me, and I was going to do whatever I could to fix that and see you happy again."

"God, Justin, you were so brave, did you really fight that whole time just for me?"

"Yes. I so desperately needed you, to know that I loved you, to know if you loved me. I had to get better to see you again and make sure everything was okay.

Anyway, I remembered you being there after the nurse told me you were there every night, then I remembered being in the ambulance. Course I didn't quite know it was an ambulance at the time, but obviously I figured it out later."

"Did you have a reaction to that flash of memory?"

"Yeah I did, but since the nurse knew me and what I had been through, it didn't take any time for her to figure out what was going on and helped to the closest unoccupied room, sat me down and got me some juice. She knew by that point I was there because of Babylon. She was more than happy to help me feel better and make sure I was okay before I went back to the waiting room."

"So far it seems you've been lucky in always having someone near you when one of these flashes hit."

"Yes, well, as they say luck can't hold out forever, but I'll get to that part last, as that's the last piece to this puzzle."

"How many more pieces are we going to have, I'm not sure either one of us can take much more."

"Just two, well three or four, but their rolled up into only two separate incidences."

"So was the next piece before or after going to New York, I can only imagine the last piece was there."

"The last piece was in New York, well so was the second to the last piece, but it started here. My mom gave me a box of mementos to take with me to New York she thought I would want. Something to remember her and Molly by. She asked that I wait till I was situated to look through it because she wasn't sure what I would think about it. I almost didn't listen to her because I was kind of upset when I mentioned you were in the hospital every night and she seemed to already know, but had never told me. But again, by then I understood her reasons for what she did, albeit misguided. So once I got there after unpacking I opened the box. It had a number of personal items of mine, small collectibles, my first drawings, pictures that she knew I would like, stuff I had collected over the years and it was fun, until I got to the bottom. I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but at the bottom were pictures of prom. Not professional pictures, but pic's she took of me at Deb's house and once I picked up Daphne. And I got flashes of that whole time from getting dressed to coming downstairs, to everyone telling me I looked beautiful, to Mel and Linds actually wanting to 'go for me.' Yeah, eww, but they meant well."

"Mel? You're kidding? Mel said she could go for you?"

"Yeah, Linds said she could go for me and Mel said something like if she didn't get to me first."

"Gross."

They both laugh, heartily at first, then softer as they both remember a time when Justin referred to something as simply gross in reference to Linds and Mel. Their first shower; sighs were made by both men.

"I'm assuming there's only one more piece to this puzzle before we both retire to our boudoir?"

"You aren't keeping score, or counting the minutes as they pass are you Mr. Kinney?"

"You assume correctly Mr. Taylor, but I must know, how did you react to those flashes, and was there someone to help you then?"

"Someone was there, although it was kind of unnecessary. My roommate, Daphne's friend, she already knew the story from Daph's point of view, they share almost as much as she and I do. But because I only remembered getting ready for prom, there was no severe reaction, it just took a while for my mind to accept more memories and function. She did get me a bottle of water and we talked for a little while afterwards. It was nice having someone there who already knew what had happened so I didn't need to get into too much detail."

"So now we get to the last piece, where you had no one to help you?"

"More or less. But yes, the last piece. You might recall, by this point I was in New York, we weren't really talking all that much and I had little to no contact with anyone here besides my mom and Daphne. In fact this last piece was part of the reason I came back. I already missed you, and while I did well enough and had a decent job, I really had very little inspiration to paint from. Whatever I did paint was inspired by my time here, in the Pitts, with you and our crazy extended family. So when this memory hit, it was like a sign saying come home. Now before you start thinking it's the only reason I came home, let me correct that statement. I was going to come home eventually. When I was ready I would come home and then when I felt you were ready I would propose your original proposal, and hope for the best."

"Little did you know that we were both ready for this step before you came back."

"Had I but known… But I think I needed to, I needed for my memories to finish. Obviously I didn't know if or when that would be. The doctor's had explained at the time I might never get them back, or I may get it all back but no one knew when or how it would happen. It's been known to happen before, but there's no guarantee. So I wasn't waiting for the memory before I came back home, but when it hit, I knew that I couldn't wait to see you anymore, to hold you and tell you that I wanted a life, here, with you. I was already tired of waiting, the knowledge of what we felt at prom together certainly made for a fast track back to you.

Anyway, so I was walking home from my agent's office one morning after confirming some dates of shows and I was going to stop by an art store to get a couple more supplies to make sure I had everything I needed when I walked by a clothing store. I know, there's so many in New York it was hardly different from one to another. But this one called to me, I don't know why, it was small enough, but it was an interesting boutique meant for men, I believe they called it a haberdashery. For a small store it looked rather upscale and had a rather modern feel to it, but eclectic as well. It had handmade, artsy styles of accessories and very high end accessories, but discounted like they were a few seasons out of style but could still be sold to some. There were simple displays here and there and a section near the back for business or formal attire. The store only had two mannequins. One in the front window and one in the back of the store. The one in the back was in the formal attire section. Section may be a strong word; it was actually two tables and a handful of baskets with everything in it.

What got me was the mannequin in the back, representing the formal wear section and one possible style for some man to wear, along with all the accessories it was showcasing on the table in front of it. That's when the final piece hit. By this point I had already remembered everything up to the actual dancing, including arriving and getting our picture taken, and I had remembered everything from you calling my name to much later when I finally came out of the coma. What I hadn't remembered anything of, until that moment, was actually dancing with you."

"And looking a mannequin in some second rate discount boutique triggered that memory?"

"As odd as it may seem, yes, because I can only assume that a gay man with exceptional taste but not a lot of money assembled the displays because the mannequin in front of me had on black dress slacks, a black dress shirt, a black coat, a black tie, undone, and a white scarf, a beautiful, silky soft creamy white scarf. And it hit, so fast, so hard, I fell to the floor and was bombarded with the memories of that night, that dance, our dance. I wasn't aware of anything near me or around me, all I saw was you in that gorgeous suit that made you look the sexist I've ever seen you, the most handsome man I have ever seen. I saw us, from the moment Daphne pointed to you and I turned and saw you walk in, what you said, then lead me to the dance floor and we danced to that corny old song in a fashion that I still can't figure out how we moved so well together. And the fact that it was absolutely the best night of my life."

"Even if it was ridiculously romantic."

And then the need for words or more explanation wasn't necessary. Barely out of their chairs, in each other's arms, falling to the floor, barely holding on to reality as they were both moved by so many emotions and memories that they couldn't stop holding, touching, kissing and caressing.

"Brian"

"Justin"

Both saying each other's names breathlessly between kisses, tongues dancing together just like their bodies. Legs entwining, rolling on the floor in reckless abandon as their arms moved lovingly, yet desperately over the other's back and arms and ass. Both moaning and groaning and rubbing against each other like they had been apart for years, rather than just a day. Then a thought hit both of them, first that they were on a cold wood floor when they were in their house and there was a big soft warm bed upstairs that belonged to them, followed by, a more serious thought, it really had been years since they were together like this.

Brian slowly extracted himself off his lover, reluctantly, but they both knew it was needed, and extended his hand to his Sunshine. All the while smiling his soft smile, or rather, Justin's soft smile, for only Justin got to see this smile.

Justin reached his hand, still panting, to his standing happy lover. Both men painfully hard, but well aware that this night, this love making about to happen, and yes it was making love, would be what it should have been that night, after the most romantic night of their lives. And what tonight will be can only be topped by what will come tomorrow night and the rest of their lives as husbands.

The husband-to-be's walked hand in hand to the stairs where Brian turned Justin to him and in one very fluid, graceful movement bent and picked up his Sunshine to carry him upstairs.

"Be careful as you open the door to our room, I did have something special planned and I want you to feel the full affect as you open the door."

"Don't worry Sunshine, I will, I'm sure that no matter how much thought you have put into our room, it pales in comparison to what I feel for you."

"No less so than what I feel for you Brian."

Brian stands in front of the bedroom waiting for Justin to open the door as he holds him in his arms. As soon as Brian steps in he gasps, almost dropping Justin, but drops just his legs so they're still arm in arm.

"Brian?"

Justin looks at his lover and sees a single tear drop down his beautifully soft cheek, his hazel eyes glistening in the dim light.

"What's wrong? Is everything okay? I tried to set the…"

"Justin" Brian whispers, with so much love and tenderness in his voice that Justin feels faint.

"It's perfect, but how could you… did you know?"

"Did I know what? I just wanted to do something romantic to match the mood that I hoped would continue from our little revelation downstairs."

"I wouldn't call that little by a long shot. Nor would I even attempt to put down or degrade the romantic moment you have created here, but you must not know, this is almost exactly what I had done that night."

As Brian looked around he was in awe. There was a trail of rose petals from the door to the bed and all around the bed, even some on the bed. There were candles of various sizes on any available surface from the dressers to the nightstands to being on thin pedestals in the corners of the room. And next to his side of the bed was a bottle of champagne on ice, two wine flutes, a tray of chocolate covered strawberries, what looked like candied grapes and cubes of cheese of various colors and sizes.

"Although I must admit I hadn't added the grapes or cheese."

"Brian, what are you talking about, you mean… you did this, that night?"

"Yes, Justin, after you were supposed to take Daphne home and go back to Deb's I was going to pick you up and take you back to the loft. I had champagne and candles and rose petals, almost the same colors as you have picked. I even had chocolate covered strawberries, knowing how much you like chocolate and strawberries."

Both men are looking around the room. One thinking I can't believe he did this, it's like that night so long ago never happened and this, this night will erase that one. The other thinking I can't believe he had done all this back then, we hadn't known each other a year, but he planned a romantic evening for us, just like this, I hope tonight really can erase the past and heel the pain.

Blue eyes met hazel eyes. Sparks crackled, breathing strained, bodies suddenly felt afire. Lips crashed together devouring the other, ripping clothes as fast as their hands could make them. Kicking off their shoes, lips ripped apart to take off their socks and remove their pants. Lips crashing together once again, lips to lips, chest to chest, groin to groin. Echoed moans and groans from both men as their straining dripping erections rubbed against each other. Hands found the other's perfect globes and since one was slightly shorter had the perfect vantage point to gently rub against a perfect pink hole which seldom was penetrated.

"Oh, god… Justin…"

Brian lifts Justin up by his ass, Justin's thighs wrap around Brian's waist and squeezes.

"Uuuhhhh…"

"Fuuuuck"

"I want you inside me."

"You do?"

"More than anything, please… Justin, make love to me."

"Oh God, Brian, I need to be inside you."

Brian carefully places Justin on the edge of the bed and sits beside him. He caresses the most perfect cheeks (ok, second most perfect cheeks, he's sitting on the most perfect set) in the world, looks deep into Justin's eyes.

"There's one more thing that I think will make this night even more perfect than it already is. I was going to wait until tomorrow night, but given what we've already been through and what I believe this night will mean to both of us, I'd like to give it to you now."

"You don't have to Brian, you've already given me so much, and I know this night will change us forever, more so than maybe even tomorrow will, but…"

"That's why I want to do this tonight. All of tomorrow will be new, but it starts tonight."

Brian gets off the bed, goes over to the door and opens it.

"Brian?"

"I'll be right back, it's in my briefcase, wait right here, but don't do anything till I get back… I see your mind working, if you're doing anything other than just sitting there I'll be required to forgo this treat."

"Oh, alright, I'll be good and sit here, not stroking my cock or fingering my ass, or…"

"Justin" he growls "Just. Stay. There. Still."

"Yes, dear."


	3. Chapter 3

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Balloons.

**Justin's POV**

And Brian leaves the door open to go get his briefcase. What on earth could he possibly have in there that couldn't wait till tomorrow? What would he want to give me, that apparently is a treat for both of us, for our wedding night, and then decide tonight is more important? Every time I think I've got Brian Kinney figured out he does something like this that totally blows the mind… and not my cock, or me blowing his cock. I can't wait till he gets back. I'm trying really hard (ahh) not to touch myself, because I know whatever he has to give me won't wait if I'm in a compromising position when he returns. No matter how much I would like to be in such a position for him.

Brian comes back in with an envelope in hand, still naked, semi-hard, toned, perfectly tanned, fucking gorgeous, a god among men. And he's all fucking mine! He smiles his little smirk, he knows what I'm thinking, maybe I'm drooling, but I'm sure my cock getting harder and painfully throbbing and still dripping might be a good sign as to what I'm thinking. He bends down on his way to the bed, picks up the scarf, and places it around his neck, then stands up. I gasp, I can't help it. A naked Brian is the sexiest thing on earth, but with that scarf, just the scarf. Fuck.

"Fuck, Brian"

"Yes, Sunshine, see something you like?"

"You fucking know I do, now get your ass over here so I can pound it into the mattress all. Night. Long!"

"Patience Sunshine, first your gift."

And he hands me the envelope, both our names on it, from the clinic? Oh my god, tell me he's not sick again, I rip open the envelope and pull out the paper and am fucking. Speechless. This, wait, it can't be.

"Brian, does this, I mean, what, is this what I think it is? What are you saying?"

"Those are our test results Justin, both clean as a whistle and completely healthy. So it is what you think it is. And I'm saying what you think I'm saying. We'll be married tomorrow… I think it's time we forgo the condoms, don't you think? You are the best I've ever had, and I plan on keeping having over and over and over again, top, bottom, sideways, and any other position we can manage. I don't want anyone else, ever. What do you think?"

What do I think? What do I think? Brian Kinney is promising me monogamy AND bare backing. Holy fucking shit! I get to fuck Brian fucking Kinney raw. What the fuck am I still sitting here for?

I attack him as he laughs. I grab his cock and practically eat his lips, then I grab his ass with my other hand.

"Fuck, Justin… slow down… we have all night."

"Sorry, it's just." I can't help but grin like the cat that ate the canary. "I get to fuck Brian Kinney raw." I know I have a big shit-eating grin on my face and I don't fucking care cause ( I gotta say this again ) I GET TO FUCK BRIAN KINNEY RAW! For the rest of my life. I'm crying, now, I'm crying? Shit!

"Sunshine? Are you sure you're up to this little boy?"

Oh no, he did not just say that.

"Little, little, I'll show you who's up to it… roll over."

"Yes, sir." He smirks.

*gasp* Still so fucking perfect.

I take the scarf and put in around my neck; while I lean over him I let the ends gently sway against his skin. I can tell he's enjoying this, if his little gasps and pants are any indication at all. I love the reaction I can get from him, and I know only I get this reaction, and only I will ever get this reaction. I rub his ass gently, sliding my hands up and down his cheeks and thighs. He moans and starts rutting in to the bed.

"Hold still, and hold on." I say.

I part his cheeks and breathe across his hole. He gasps "Justin."

I lick a couple of times, softly, slowly, as he starts panting and breathing harder. I stop, he whimpers, he whimpers? I chuckle.

Then I attack his hole, stabbing it with my tongue, tongue fucking him as hard and as long as I can. I love the taste of Brian, I can't decide if I can't get enough of eating his ass, or him eating mine, or fucking him or sucking him or him fucking or sucking me. He's gasping, and panting and rutting hard. "Oh, fuck… God… Justin… gonna… stop!"

I stop and smile and just wait for him to catch his breath.

"Want you inside me… when I come."

Right, inside him… raw… oh yeah!

I grab the lube and squirt some in his hole. He gasps. "It's cold."

"It'll heat up."

We both chuckle. "This really is a first time, isn't it?"

"Yes Justin, now hurry the fuck up… fuck me so I can fuck you."

"Such a bossy bottom"

He turns around and glares at me, but his eyes are smiling. Then I shove two fingers in him fast and graze right over his prostrate.

"FUCK!"

I start to move my fingers, scissoring them apart, stretching him, adding a third.

"Justin, fuck me."

I straddle his legs and line up my cock, my bare cock, fuck that's beautiful. I have to sketch this when I'm done, but will never show anyone. I grab the lube to rub over my cock. Then I stop and get off of him.

"Justin, what are you waiting for?"

"Turn over, I need to see your face… I want to see your eyes as I fuck you raw."

"Fuck."

And he turns over. I kneel between his legs and line my cock up with his hole, again. Our eyes are drawn to each other and we stare into each other's soul. There's no going back, once this happens, that's it, I know we'll never want to be with anyone else, we'll never want the feeling of any barrier between us again.

I grab his legs and place them on my shoulders. Then I push in slowly. Oh. My. God. Give him time to adjust and push in further. Then I push in all the way and just stay there for a sec. Our eyes still locked, barely, we have to fight to keep them open. The he pushes back, telling me he's ready. We both instinctively look down as I pull out slowly. We both watch in fascination and utter bliss as my cock slides, naked, in and out of his ass. Our eyes meet again. I lean forward to kiss him. The kiss is tender and aggressive and too much and not enough, all at once. We're both groaning incapable of speech while we're both bombarded with feelings that are beyond imaginable. To be raw inside him, un-fucking-believable, it's more than I ever thought it would be.

I break our kiss so I can breathe and our eyes meet again.

"Brian, I… fuck… inside… raw… god!"

"Justin… can feel… every throb… fuck… faster… harder."

I grab his ankles and hold them apart as I start pounding his ass, bare, "FUCK!"

"BRIAN!"

Can barely make out words "harder, faster, deeper, fuck."

I grab his cock and begin to stroke with the same speed I'm pounding his ass.

He cums hard, harder than I think he ever has. His ass grabs my cock and rips my orgasm out of me. We both look down immediately… my come is in his ass. I swear he had just stopped cumming when he starts shooting again, just as hard. "JUSTIN!"

"Fuck, God, Brian, so… Shit!"

He collapses back on the bed as I collapse on top of him. I was just thinking I needed to get off him, when he grabs my waist and holds on tight. "Don't pull out." He whispers. I meet his eyes, we both have tears in our eyes. So close, we're so close right now. I don't have to pull out. I can feel my dick softening and my come dripping out, I can't help it, I move my hand between us, and without pulling out I rub my come that's on his ass right below my dick. He groans.

"Fuck, Justin… I never thought that raw… could feel this good."

"Brian… I feel… so fucking close to you… a part of me is inside you. I can feel you. I can feel you."

I don't care that I'm crying, I have never felt so close to another person in all my life. God I love this man more than anything else, I would do absolutely anything for this man.

"I can feel you too. And as much as I don't want you to pull out, I want to feel inside you, too."

My eyes jump to meet his, my cock had just slipped out and hardened immediately at his word. We both groan.

"Yes, Brian, fuck me, fuck me raw, hard, fast, NOW!"

He flips me over and laughs, I laugh, god this feels fucking amazing. Laughing with the man I love, crying with the man I love. Fucking raw with the man I love.

He attacks my lips and starts stroking my cock while our tongues duel in each other's mouth. He pulls back when breathing becomes necessary, then gets an almost evil glint in his eye. "What?" I ask him.

He slowly starts licking down my stomach, licking off his come and our sweat. He licks my balls and then cock.

"Brian, Oh god!"

He gets down lower and licks my hole then starts rimming me like his life depended on it. I'm moaning and groaning and can't speak coherently, just babbling; the things this man can do with his tongue. Then he sucks my cock all the way down his throat and swallows while shoving lubed fingers in my ass.

"AAAHHH! Brian!"

Fuck he's fast, I didn't even see him get the lube, I didn't even hear what he was doing. Then in one smooth, fast motion his mouth and fingers are gone, my legs are on his shoulders and he attacks my mouth while his cock rams into my ass. "AAAAHHHH!"

Then he freezes, fuck… raw… Brian, in my ass, raw!

"Justin… this feels so fucking amazing."

"I know."

I start moving telling him I'm ready.

"Stop. Don't move, not yet… feels so gooood!"

I can feel his dick throb, it feels so soft and hot and wet, fuck!

" I never knew why you wanted me to stay in and not pull out… I get it now… I totally get it. I don't ever want to pull out, not after this… and I didn't want you to pull out. Now I know why other's want this, but I had to make sure you were safe."

"Never want you to pull out… but yeah, especially after this. We both needed to be safe and sure. Still can't believe how hot and soft this is. I hope this doesn't ruin the mood, but I am going to sketch this, I have to, but it will be for only us."

"Go right ahead Sunshine. I just have one problem."

"What could possibly be a problem right now."

"I desperately want to move and fuck you, but I want to never move again."

"I know what you mean, let me help with that."

I flip him over, and after he slides out and groans at the loss, I quickly settle back on top and slowly glide his cock in my ass and then I start riding him.

"Justin… fuck… that feels… fan-fucking-tastic."

"Brian."

He reaches up for the ends of the scarf and wraps them both in one hand then pulls, hard. Kissing me like he needs my mouth to live and it was killing him not to kiss me. I know exactly how he feels. We both moan deeply into each other's mouth. From the amazing sensation that is his perfect mouth moving instinctively with mine, his tongue dancing with mine, moving as much as our gasps and groans can allow us. Because we're still fucking, raw and he feels so fucking good inside me, I can feel every ridge and vein and throb and poke and stroke.

He lets go of the scarf to grab on to my waist and lifts me up with both hands and starts forcefully moving him up and down on this cock while he moves his hips hard and furiously.

"Oh, god, Brian, so … fuck!"

"Justin… come… for … me."

And I do, just like that, and then he comes.

"Holy shit!"

"Christ!"

Brian's come is in my ass. Again, I say Holy Shit!

I collapse on top of him, with him still inside me.

"God, I love you Brian, so fucking much. Thank you so much, this was unreal!"

"I love you too Justin, and you're welcome, I think we've both wanted this for a long time, it just took one of us, oh, who am I kidding, it took me to realize that what we have can't be beat. We can't find it anywhere else, so why bother trying. Our lives together have just barely begun, our fucking adventures have just barely begun, now that we have the rest of our lives to fuck raw, and I can't wait to make you mine in every way possible, this was just the beginning."

"As much as I would love to continue such a sweet, heart-felt, beautiful statement, I'm fucking exhausted. And we have a busy day tomorrow."

"We do, don't we, but you haven't told me anything about tomorrow."

"Mmmm… it's a surprise."

"You know I don't like surprises Sunshine."

"I know, but you'll like this one."

"You falling asleep on me?"

"Mmmm hmmm."

"Shouldn't we get cleaned up first, we're all wet and sticky, or have some of the lovely food and champagne you put out for us. "

"I like wet and sticky, naked, mmmm, feels good, and I'm too sleepy to eat."

*chuckle* "Alright, Sunshine, go to sleep, we'll get cleaned up in the morning. You must be sleepy to refuse food."

"Shut up. Night Brian."

"Goodnight Sunshine." Brian covers them both with the sheet, while keeping his Sunshine safely in his arms.

"Love you Bri, can't wait to get married."

"Love you, too Justin, and me either."


End file.
